Case One: Campbell's Soup

 

Original:

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A great value cream of chicken condensed soup you can buy for your family. Made with quality ingredients, easy to prepare, use it as a hearty soup o as an ingredient in your favourite campbell’s recipe

 

Angela’s:

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Campbell’s Cream of Chicken condensed soup is great value. Made with high quality ingredients. It’s delicious served as a hearty, easy to prepare soup or used as a recipe base for your family’s favourite dish.

 

Try Campbell’s Creamy Potato Bake!

 

Explaining the changes:

 

* The missing ‘r’ from ‘or’ was fixed.

 

* Capitalisation was made more consistent with the supermarket’s own headers and the Campbell’s company branding.

 

* Campbell’s is one of the world’s most well-known and trusted brands. Rather than leading with a statement of value, I moved the brand to the top of the copy, in order to make the most of this brand recognition.

 

* The last line (or some version of it) would be a ‘nice to have’. Naming a dish allows the shopper to visualise the meal and linking to the official Campbell’s recipe could help them see which other ingredients they might need to purchase. This is hard to read on the can without zooming in on the product image, which could be difficult for some users.

 

 

Case Two: <BrandRedacted> Standard Milk

 

Original:

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Introducing <<BrandRedacted>> Milk Standard 2L Bottle, the perfect choice for all your dairy needs. This high-quality milk is a staple in every household, providing you with a rich and creamy taste that is sure to satisfy. Whether you're enjoying a glass on its own, using it in your favorite recipes, or adding it to your morning coffee, this milk is versatile and delicious. <<BrandRedacted>> Milk Standard 2L Bottle is sourced from trusted dairy farms, ensuring the highest quality and freshness. With its convenient 2L bottle, you'll have plenty of milk to go around, making it ideal for families or those who go through milk quickly. Not only is this milk delicious, but it is also packed with essential nutrients like calcium and protein, which are important for maintaining strong bones and muscles. It is a great source of energy and can be enjoyed by people of all ages. Make sure to add <<BrandRedacted>> Milk Standard 2L Bottle to your shopping list and experience the goodness of fresh, creamy milk.

 

Angela’s: 

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<<BrandRedacted>> Standard Milk, in a convenient 2L bottle, is great value and a staple for dairy lovers or thirsty families.

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This rich and creamy milk is sourced from trusted New Zealand farms, ensuring quality and freshness.

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Delicious by the glass, in hot drinks, over cereal or in your favourite recipes, <<BrandRedacted>> Standard Milk is also nutritious. It’s a great source of energy and contains natural calcium to help maintain strong bones, as well as protein for muscle development.

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Add a bottle to your shopping list today.

 

Explaining the changes:

 

* Product description was made more concise, to avoid overselling. Many customers who buy standard milk see it as an essential part of their shop. They’re unlikely to be swayed by too much marketing — often choosing based on value, availability and bottle size instead. Therefore, a reference to value has been added in the first line.

 

* While I understand the repeated use of ‘<<BrandRedacted>> Milk Standard 2L Bottle’ to reflect the product title as listed on the website, this is clunky and does not match the product label in the image. I’ve used the label name “<<BrandRedacted>> Standard Milk” in the text.

 

* The original text seems to have been written in a robotic yet effusive tone (was AI used?) which is not in keeping with the everyday character of the product. The new version conveys information in a more relatable tone and uses NZ English spelling (favorite vs. favourite).

 

* The new version specifically mentions product origin, which was missing from the original and may sway some consumers who favour same-country options for fresh goods.

 

* The new version also avoids overstatements made in the original, such as “staple in every household” and “can be enjoyed by people of all ages” as these are technically untrue.

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